Why this is not your average beauty blog

I love celebrating New Year’s.  All the endless possibilities, dreams, and potential that a new year gives to us is incredible. It’s a chance to start fresh and set new goals!  I love it! I have been thinking for a long time about how I could feel more fulfilled.  Ever since I quit my job in television news after having Brooklyn, I’ve been searching for something that could be a creative outlet for me.  I freelance write for another website part-time and it’s great– but I needed something much more personal.  So– here it is!  

This is going to be all about my journey through motherhood.  It’ll will have some daily occurrences, funny stories, things I’m learning, things I’m interested in and my thoughts on issues that we face today.  This is not a beauty blog, though I do love beauty, hair and makeup tips and trends.  This is not a cooking blog, even though I love to cook and I’m forcing myself to learn how.  This is not a crafty blog because heaven knows I was not blessed in that particular area!  I could write and write all day long but ask me to make some craft and I’ll just sit there dazed and confused.  However, you may see some simple decorating tricks or things I’ve worked on around my house.  This is not a health and fitness blog…though I enjoy working out and eating healthy and I’ll probably blog about that from time to time.  This is not a fashion blog, but I wish it were because maybe that would mean I had money to buy new clothes!  Lol.  This is also not a finance blog, but I’ll be candid about how my husband and I try to save money here and there.  This isn’t a blog about faith…but I’m sure you’ll hear me talk about my faith in God and the restored gospel of Jesus Christ frequently because that’s a big part of who I am.

Most of all, I want to relate to people.  I want this to be a space where you can read and be inspired, comforted or uplifted.  I want women to know they aren’t alone in their journey through life, whether they are raising children, newly married, single, surviving teen years or in the later stages of life. The relationships we form with those around us buoy us up and help us accomplish our dearest dreams. Won’t you come along and dream with me?

The Healing Balm of Motherhood

I’ve been meaning to write this post for a while now. It’s funny just how much time a baby can take up.  I love it. Even now, I can’t hardly write because Brooklyn is seated next to me, smiling up at me. Her smiles melt my heart. I’m so lucky to be her mother.  I’m so lucky to spend my days with her.

Motherhood is a healing balm on my soul.  The unfortunate chasm that’s separated my own mother and I from having a good relationship is fixed by the little miracle cooing by my side. But let me go back…back 25 years ago when my own mother found out she was expecting. She was only 21, she was engaged…but now, with a baby on the way, the wedding was moved up.  She gave birth to me four weeks sooner than she expected and it was a difficult process for both of us.  As soon as her little one (me) was born, she was whisked away by a team of doctors to help get her vital signs going.  And my mother was hemorrhaging. She was bleeding and it wouldn’t stop.  My dad almost lost both of us that day, but somehow, we survived. As my mom looked down at her new baby, her whole world changed.  She hadn’t finished college and was planning to go back.  She wanted to go to law school.  She wanted to have a successful career.  But holding that new baby, alone for a moment, she knew now what she wanted most of all.  To be with her baby.  To raise that little girl and spend her days with her.

My mom sacrificed a lot of her dreams for me.  And when I was a child, she was a wonderful mother. She was loving and kind, responding to my every need and teaching and disciplining me as I grew.  I was taught patience and kindness, manners and faith.  I was taught to laugh and to love.  I was taught to clean and to order.  I was taught to be good and I grew up to be a good girl.

Years later, when my mom left us to chase some of those forgotten dreams, I was devastated. As I went through my awkward teen years, most of the time without her mothering presence, I struggled.  There were some good memories, but mostly, she wasn’t there. Besides my senior year of high school, when I chose to go and live with her, she saw my sister and I sparingly. When I was around her, we always seemed to quarrel.  We’re both a little bit stubborn.  Now she has a mental illness that’s debilitating her.  She is starting to show the effects of Huntington’s Disease and suffers from Bipolar disorder.  I wish we had a relationship so badly but she told me, just before I was married, that she wanted nothing to do with me and I wasn’t a daughter to her anymore.  We haven’t spoken since.

It’s been more than two years now and the bitterness, anger, sadness and tears that were shed are starting to soften.  I no longer yearn when I see mothers and daughters talking and laughing together.  All of that love that I have and wanted to give away so badly is now being placed upon my own daughter.  She is a dear comfort to my soul and a joy in my life.

Motherhood heals.  It truly does.